I'm just a little too not over you.

Evidently, that piece of the song from that 17 year old boy has been in my head and out my mouth all day! I think I've annoyed Michelle out of human limits. :D

Tatsuki came back to college today! Thanks, Tats. :) You made my one hour before Econs super awesome! I wish you had stayed. But my pleas fell on deaf ears. Not sure whether it was yours, Mr. Lawrence's, or BOTH! You looked nice today.. SUPER TINY. You need to put back every ounce of that 8 kg you lost soon! Eat more. And have a good time at Redang. I hope you like your Valentine's Day card, and present!

All in all it was a pretty good day. Right now i'm actually waiting for the dilapidatory cream on my legs to work. I got to see Baby in the last 3 minutes before I had to leave. That was a nice surprise because i had already told Baby i was leaving, but i saw you anyway, right? ;) I got so many stares while waiting for you at LH8. I eavesdropped on a few people too and that was kind of funny. You're NOT going to fail anything because you are so so smart you scare me with your kiasu-ness. You're not even Singaporean! :P

Michelle, Shaz and Bel went to Hartamas. They ended up in Plaza Damas shopping, I think, and they bought some awesome tofu stuff made into crisps. That was good. Yummmm. But they went without me because I had stuff to do and Baby to wait for. So i hung out with Ashikin and Adila for a bit.. that was kind of fun, considering we hardly spend ANY time together nowadays. And i got to be with Hitakshi today too, so it felt like school again! :)

Will is leaving again, for Penang tonight. And this time I'll miss him, but, I'll cope better. Is it conditioning? It was fun taking pictures with his not-so-new HTC, and talking about insulin levels in the blood or something like that.

Life is pretty normal.

And that's why I loved today. I even got to show a Mechanics question in class. :) I did something even Michael couldn't do! :D So bangga. Let's just pray I remember how when I need to for real. It's hard when you've got a porcupine-haired guy who's umm.. pretty *ame to be a lecturer. I'm so mean. I know I can be REALLY lame at times too, but who cares, right? I do what makes me feel good. Alex inspires me sometimes. HAHA.

I've rambled a bit too much today, I should think. I just can't help going on and on about things I'm passionate about. Or people, rather. I love you guys loads!

Tomorrow is Banana-Leaf rice day! Yayy!

Will we ever stop wanting?

Coming home on the LRT today I was thinking to myself about getting a nice, short, black tube dress for Easter. Or, well, any other occasion. As long as it looks like how I want it to look.

Walking home I was thinking about getting a really high pair of nice black wedges to go with the little black dress. I've been craving to get those for ages! And i had this whole image in my head. Of myself, of course. Nude make-up and tied-up but falling hair. No accessories. Just a sexy phone in hand!

Voila, you've got a coveted Amelia for about an hour. Goodness! Will I ever stop wanting things? Wanting to look good? I don't know. And for now, I should think the answer is no. Sadly. Life is definitely a lot more than just the things you have and want, how good you look. But I'm at the age where everyone has something better that I don't. And I want too. Hypocritical of me, I must say, to conduct lectures about wanting with Carolyn.

I guess it boils down to whether I let these wants get to me.






But I haven't bought clothes or shoes in ages! *whiny face*

Someone, leave the light on.

And my someone-s are all talking to me right now. In their own ways, they're helping me cope with my breaking heart.

Let me tell you people now, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. It may be for about 8 months, but after that you can't have just Love any more. Things will fall apart and hearts will break. And then you'll end up a nervous wreck, crying your heart out because you thought someone recycled your University offer letter.

Carolyn, you know I love You. And I appreciate your trying to come see me tomorrow! I hope you'll be able to make it because you make me happy and you help me smile again. And you've got so much to learn about me, but we'll make do with what we have for now. I can't afford to think about more stuff. You're just about enough. :)

Matt, thank You for being so kind, caring and loving from all the way over there! I know you worry about me, but i promised I wouldn't do something stupid even though i was honest when i said I felt like it. I needed some kind of manifestation for the pain inside. But I'm going swimming instead tomorrow. Okay? Don't worry. Go off with Randal tomorrow. I'll miss you!

Kenny, you're silly. I do NOT use lipsyl of hand lotions and I probably won't for a few years. But talking about things like that and explaining tofu to you helped me to get my mind off you-know-what, and though you did make me cry harder about getting another offer letter earlier, I'm glad that chapter is over. Thanks! Even though you ARE taking forever to reply me!

You're killing me, softly. But I won't die. Not tonight.

(on a random morning, by sms)

Michelle: Amelia, a person known to us - but for his/her sake of dignity, shall not be named - has fallen into a well.

Amelia: And..?

Michelle: Oh, you're awake. And..well, was eaten by a crocodile :D

(some hours later)

Amelia: Michelle! They found our friend's dead body. It seems it was suicide. He/she was dressed in Gucci.

Michelle: Tsk, tsk. It must have been a mess then.. a foot here, a hand there, blood, guts floating about. He/she must have been quite huge since the croc can't even finish him/her off. Gucci? No wonder the croc ate him/her. Our friend must have been wearing it's mum!

Amelia: It seems it was Gucci. Could have been pasar malam goods. I think it's your fault. I recall you giving him/her the outfit, as you stole it! You monkey!

Romeo, take me, somewhere we can be alone.

Too many things have been bugging me, or at least affecting my discernment.

I want to go away. To my beach holiday. Scatter pictures and letters and cards in bed.. and read them when I'm with my baby. That would be just wonderful! Without anyone else, or any other cares in my world.

Without freakwits who like to defame friends for 'fun', it seems.

Or idiots who care only about themselves, and not for those who care for them. (Not you, ducky)

Why can't people be a bit more accommodating? Understanding? Diplomatic? It's like our world has degraded to nothing. We've got the morals and common sense and intellects of mere hobos! Well, at least hobos have a REASON to be idiotic! They don't fricking have homes! But we, blessed with friends and everything we need, forget about other people's needs or preferences.

And due to this I've lost respect for two people that I thought I knew before.

OH WELL. HOW HEARTBREAKING, RIGHT? Doesn't matter to me, really. I only want to protect, and I'll do it at all costs.

Kenny said he might not be going to the UK to study after all. Now that's not heartbreaking, but very disappointing, I must say. I was looking forward to having a big karate-fighting brother around town! He says he'll visit though. And Carolyn too! Better have Christmas this year with me! :)

Oh and on a random note.. Jon called me pretty girl today. And said I had nice hair. Outright flirting, I should think! Hahaha. It's fun to wonder whether he was sincere or not. And maybe even how many others would agree with him! But it was 'unilateral' flirting, it seems. According to a smart alec i know. I forgot to tell Pon what happened yesterday. Someone remind me!

Oh well. Life is short! I'm halfway over whatever has happened. And it won't bug me for long more.

I fell today! And i now have vintage jeans, and grazed knees. Hahaha I will picture soon, hopefully. :)

Love you guys!

I heart. (:

AND I HAVE :)

Dizzy spells.

Maybe the heat, maybe the abundance of thoughts I've had today, maybe the old man yelling on the phone who was seated right next to me, or the silly young girl clicking away her plastic bottle.

Maybe the fact that I'm returning to my habits.

Maybe the fact that I think maybe i exaggerated, maybe the fact that I'm stuck in between yes and no, because my friends agree with me.

Maybe the fact that I don't want my rash emotions to affect someone I love ever so dearly.

Maybe the fact that she just won't tell me.

Maybe the fact that my being concerned seems to mean nothing to an idiot, maybe because I know I won't try anymore, maybe because I haven't mastered the necessary, maybe the phone cover I'm obsessing about now.

I feel like I'm going to fall over, and vomit out the stuff I've been eating to prevent myself from vomiting. Goodness.