Baby.

The word baby seems so over-used nowadays. It's like, every boy and girl in love calls the other 'baby', and when you read it off something you didn't write, you feel it's such a cliche and it's almost annoying..

until you say it yourself, with meaning.

People use the word all the time, when they're talking to their girlfriends
-Belinda, Nisha, Malini, Shaz, Iris, and Joe and Nick (though they're not GIRLfriends per se);
Or when they're rocking it out on the dance floor, and having a whole lot of fun teasing men.





But when it comes to her, I feel like I'm saying a million things just by calling her baby.
Even this post will come by as annoyingly repetitive, I know.
But I need to say it, because it's all I can think about.
SHE is all I can think about.
And she's my baby - in every damned sense of the word.
My soft, loving, adorable, lovable, innocent, forgiving darling girl.
And just that one word - baby - invokes a million emotions and so much love in me that I cannot help but use it to call her.





Nothing else will do,
but you,
Baby.

Magic.

Every day something is happening in the world - independent occurrences that do not affect us.
But that doesn't mean it doesn't affect someone else, doesn't change someone's life or isn't an epiphany. Someone on the highway may have saved a cow or someone's sister gave birth to a perfect pair of twins or someone got married or someone lost a limb or someone killed a cow.

The world is filled with miracles, love, and of course, magic. I don't mean fairy dust or wishes coming true - I mean the many people's lives that are capable of being changed for the better. I mean people finding love, and finding themselves when they least expect it. I mean parents and children having something new and exciting to talk about and share as they are growing older, and growing apart. Old friends call each other to tell them about a special event that reminds them of the other, and the list goes on.
Magic.


And when you feel down and trodden and forgotten, remember -
someone out there has probably just murdered some sort of animal and feels like crap,
or think about a new-born baby's first cry somewhere in a hospital halfway across the world.
Think about life,
and how it's not always just about you,
it's about how the world around you makes it for you.





Today, I will appreciate the people who love me.

Forget.

I forget that I am only human,
that the people around me are weaker and more unwilling than you think they be.
I forget that I should not expect things from people,
and this has landed me to where I am right now,
dejected, angry, and frustrated.
I forget how to motivate people,
to make them want as bad what I do.
I forget that some people simply cannot be motivated,
that they are selfish and one-track-minded and jealous.
I forget that I am alone in this world,
born alone,
and will also die alone.

But I also forget the people that love me and care for me,
the ones who stick by my side,
and are not afraid to tell me so.
I forget the wonderful people that motivate me,
to never give up and keep going.
I forget the love that I get when I am frustrated and angry,
and I turn away,
and make other people frustrated with myself because of this blindness.

I forget the beauty in life when I am faced with the darkness.

I forget who I am deep down inside,
invincible.

Jack Johnson.

It's enough to make me cry, but that don't seem like it'll make it feel better.
Noone ever seems to listen.
How could We have known? I'll tell them, it's not so hard to tell. If you keep adding stones, soon the water will be lost in the well.

Mmmhhmmm.

There's traffic in my sky.
And puzzle pieces in the ground.

Excitement.

The next two weeks are going to be really really fun and exciting, I hope! Law Ball is next Friday and everyone is buzzing about looking for clothes or planning transport. Thursday.. hopefully we'll also have a very successful barbecue pool party with July at Malini's condo! We're also having auditions this Friday as a class... and Thursday we are going shopping for Joe, Nick, Jason, and Iris' outfits!
It'll be such a crazy jam-packed 2 weeks, and I think studying will have to hide for a while.. noone would want to do anything academic related.. or so I hope!
Today, negotiations lists came out, and boy am I stressed out going against Ivan. He's a sniper you can never find. Not till he's shot your forehead, I suppose. Hah!

And we're going to play badminton again this week! Our losses last week didn't deter Malini and I much.. we need to maintain the stamina and body-building for Law Ball! And of course, we've got an awesome coach. (: Thanks bees!
Saturday the BEC is heading off to Banting, N9 for Lent Outreach. I'm going along, obviously, and I am looking forward to that because I haven't done much outreach this Lent. Though I'm not at all eager for.. "Wahh, girl, you are so grown up now ah! I used to see you as a small girl...what you studying now? So pretty already!"

Oh and last night we had choir practice! I love choir practice.. because all you do then is sing. And we all know how much I love singing. (: After that, Fr.Philip took us for a ride down the highway in his crazy old VW Beetle! It was hell scary but it was fun, I suppose. Whoever knew that a car could be so.. toylike!

Well that's about all that's been worth recording off my weekend.. minus of course having You around. It was fun.
I never felt so loved. (:
I ♥ CT

Insensitivity.

Lately I've been getting a feel of people around me turning heartless.
Okay, maybe heartless is a really strong word, but sometimes you feel that they don't care anymore. I mean, when you speak to them they ignore you or turn a deaf ear. Or worse, they pretend they care and then when you finally need them they turn their backs on you and you're left like "Hey, I thought you loved me."

And then the people that you thought you could count on and were your friends.. they change. They disappear just as you need them and Voila! you've got a magic disappearing act happening right in the bloody middle of your life. And you're so lost, because these are the people you love. You don't care about them romantically or whatnot, it's just that they're special to you and you want them around with you and be their friends and suddenly, they're gone. They turn ice-cold and you don't know what happened, but you know you hate it as hell.

I don't like this part of my life, and I don't know if I ever will appreciate the fact that people just.. vanish. I love people..
I'm just bummed that they don't love me the same.

"Would you rather be happy with the person you're not in love with,
or be miserable with the person you love like crazy?"

I say I'd be miserable with the person I'm in love with, because
being miserable with
the person you love most
is nothing compared to
the
misery of being without him.
Or her.

What do you think?

This rainbow is turning dark.

I feel like curling up by myself in a little corner.
My head hurts.
(And so does my heart, a little.)

And all night I've been figuring out why I let my emotions get to me.

It's not exactly fun to be so adversely affected by the people around you,
their egos and sensitivities,
their jokes and silly statements.


And You?
I really, really love you.
I wish I could tell you things without feeling bad about what I'm saying,
and what you may think of it.

I'm like that.
Deep down, I'm messed up and I can't seem to stop at one.
I go on and on and on,
and injure myself mindlessly,
but with all my heart.
I'm so sorry.

I enjoy being with you and being enjoyed by you,
and I wish time would stop for us to fall asleep.

Oh God, what do I do?