The heart can only break so much.

The past few days have been heck of a toughening challenge.

I've been looking forward to so many things.

On my list,

SC's call.

Our girls' Genting trip! With baby, of course.

Classes, as usual. WE NEED IT!

**** telling me he's asked *** to the ball.
And a lot of minor, minor stuff as well.

But I'm not feeling it.

Is it because I didn't expect things to work out?
Or have I been pained so much that I'm numb?
Or is there just no more point in hoping and wanting, because It's all been pre-determined?

God Jesus, help me.
I don't want to stop hoping, wanting, waiting.

Darling, darling.

I don't want to wait until it's too late

To thank you
love you
miss you
and hold you and let you know how much you mean to me
To make you smile
To make you laugh
To make you happy
To give you kisses,
and tickles


I want to let you know

That you're my sweetheart
now
And you'll always have a place in my heart
And you can do anything you set your mind to
You're a wonderful person
You've got a lot of potential
And you're simply lovable
And I don't ever want to stop wanting you


I need to say

That you've got my heart
You've made me smile a thousand times over
You take care of me too well
You know me too well
and i love it
That I love your touch
against my bare skin
and that I love to wear your clothes


You should know

That you make me feel loved
sexy
smart
and that you do it for me
You're a turn on
and a tease
And that your smile is like a rainbow
even when the storm is still there
attempting to steal
you away from me





If i could do anything for you, I would.
I would.
You're my darling,
And there, is the whole world for you
and me.

At first sight.

I'm surprised I didn't write about this yesterday, while the memories were still fresh in my mind, and his image still burned into my head.

Daniel Joo Wei Bessant,
you've taken my heart away!

I mean, this is REALLY love at first sight. I am no longer a skeptic when it comes to things like this. When a boy has lovely brown eyes, brown hair, and symmetrically-artfully-spread freckles, he is GORGEOUS. And when Amelia meets boys like that, she gets hopelessly attached and obsessed!


If he were not five years of age,
I'd probably have hit on him like nuts and gotten his number.

THANKFULLY, HE IS!
That adorable little chunk of sweetness warmed up to me so quickly, almost immediately, I should say! He was so cheeky, and articulate, and confident and friendly! We played cards, and I showed him a mechanical pencil, and he drew his adorable little name for me, on my Frankenstein PYQ paper.

That piece of paper, I'm going to keep, siempre!

And it breaks my heart, kind of, to know that I can never have a baby like that, because of my very very dominant Asian genes. My child will have black hair, black eyes, and freckle-less Chinese skin.

SIGH.

He knew who I was when he saw me at the bus-stop, and he had this confused look on his face, probably not knowing why I had to wait at the side of the road.

I went home smiling.



I know i sound like some kind of paedophile, but it's just that I really, really like children, and even Daniel's teacher said I was so patient with him! Pon and Hamster agree that I am teacher-material. :)

And this child was just absolutely a heart-throb. I pity his future girlfriends, they're going to be SO bummed when he moves on and leaves. Just like I was, knowing that Wednesday tuition is just a back-up if I can't make it on Saturdays. I had so much fun reading to him, and telling him stories, and kissing the top of his head! :)



Oh well, life's like that. It has it's weird ways. I'll say that little angel made ME very happy yesterday!

Cheers, and Daniel, I miss you already!

Uncertainties, unventured, unknown.

I wasn't worried about the 2nd interview until now.

I don't know if I did well enough! Things are so competitive. And I'm honestly, VERY worried.

Well anyway, I woke up feeling WAY crappy. Had a cold and a very itchy nose and a bad headache that lasted me all night, so I skipped Lit for a nap! Carolyn's guest room is awesome, I must say. :D

When I got into the lift at SC though, my itchy nose hid itself. I think adrenaline helps your body fight off infection or something. Tats, am I right? The headache went away with the load of water and nap. :)

I met a whole new bunch of people, actually. People who are better than me in most aspects, I should think. Most of them have other interviews to go to, besides SC.. Unlike me.
But i'll leave things up to God, and to His will.
Hopefully I'll find my way around things.

HUMILITY.

But another round of THANK YOUS to Carolyn, for taking me there and back, and for the emotional support and love, and guest room..
Alex, for introducing me to CNN just when I needed it.
Michelle, Paul, Janice and everyone else who wished me good luck!

Love you guys so much.

Jesus, you rock me with your Spirit!

Oh, how beautiful.

Yes,

It's so beautiful to be in love..

And to see others falling in love too!


Cheerios, and martinis! ;)

One day, one year, one life is insufficient.

Just a random fact,

Michael Bublé's Everything has been playing over and over, either on my phone or in my head. Absolutely wonderful! :)

But back to my topic!

You, pink-baby-faced Ducky of mine,
you're the one who makes my life bearable. Trust me.
I stopped walking home from college weeks ago, thanks to.. YOU.
You're always there for me, when I need you, and when I don't.
(Most of the time, I do. A lot.)

I look forward to the end of my classes, because I know you're waiting.
I look forward to my breaks and free time (except on Thursdays) because I know I have someone to hug and hold during them!
I hate knowing you have to wait SO long for me, because I hate having to wait for you too. It's just SO unbearable. It's like, waiting for Baskin Robbins after a good, but long interview! :P

And oh, you're my falling star, my getaway car, my line in the sad when I go too far!

I LOOOOOOVE YOU!

One step at a time!

Yes.

One interview down! :) And I felt it was a good one. I had fun in there, total honesty, and I always had something to say. One or two questions threw me off balance, kind of, but.. nothing much else.

So yes. After the interview I went for BR with Carolyn Tiong! Which was awesome. Then we sat, chatted a bit.. and talked about random things. People, life, the future, hair-stylists.. The littler things in life. Oh and RISKS, the ones we face, and the ones WE face, right honey? ;) I also had fun strutting my various outfits for my friends! Tomorrow is traditional outfit day now. How awesome, right? So let's hope I get comfortable in my pretty pink cheongsam tomorrow! :D

Right now I'm really bright eyed and in love really. I was kind of annoyed today, because there are still idiots in this world who cannot be happy seeing the people they envy happy! But they don't matter. I do, my family does, Jesus is there to be with me and protect me, and I always have my Baby. Always there for me, and always willing to help.

Mocks for Law Paper 2 on Friday, now.. and loads of mechanics homework to do eh. Sigh. But I can't wait for Sports Day on Saturday! It's going to be loads of fun. And very very hot. Heaps of old friends, I hope. Baby! And Adeline will be marching so I have adik to be proud of. :D

I miss Tatsuki. Haven't had a Japanese-friend-rave in ages! xD I know, very very random.

Anyway, just a thank you list to everyone who has helped made my SC interview so much better than I thought it would be.
Daddy,
Carolyn!
The panel - Mr Chong, Laura, Hasnan
The waiting room people - Felicia, Amani, Syaria?, Jocelyn, Jo Rin
Alex hamster - for the tuition, xD
Alex Pon, Michelle, Shaz, Bel, random people from class screaming out 'good luck'
JESUS CHRIST, My God, saviour, bestest buddy ever.

Love you people!

What a weekend.

Yes, for those who aren't Catholic.. It was Holy Weekend. The Easter Triduum, comprising of Holy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday, etc, etc.

How so very tiring.

Well it wouldn't have been so bad if i didn't have my Law Paper 1 mocks on Friday. I had to cram aggressive Law studying with Psalm-practising and helping Ms. Tan out at Words Worth with 5 little kids, as well as usual class (didn't skip one!), and tuition, and then all the extra Services and Mass for the Triduum on Thursday, Friday AND Saturday nights.

BUT...

SC called me!! So I have an interview next Wednesday and I'm excited, nervous, all the usual stuff.
And it's REALLY important that I ace the interview, because I need their Scholarship! Though the poor lady who was in charge of calling me, that wonderful lady Eva, she tried calling me at least 7 times on my cell during my exam paper, and she was in the office till 9pm at night trying to call me. I was at the Mandarin service (which i only survived through because the singing was awesome and i had mum's Missal) and when i ran out to answer her call, was ecstatic for about 5 mins, and then went back into church to find out my seat had been taken.

Jesus is a joker, i tell ya! ;)

This weekend was really good though. I spent a lot of my time and energy singing, and people who know me well enough will know how much I love singing and what kind of a high it gives me! I saw Paul again yesterday, after ages, poor boy been working his head off for some kind of auditing project probably. Father Philip was hilarious this morning, i think he was too sleepy to talk properly. He kept slipping on his words!

And i've decided to buy Alithea's dress, which I've been contemplating for ages and ages. :D

(Anyway, I typed all of that at one go, but it was days ago, so i don't remember what else i wanted to add, so i'll end this here and now,

love you all.)

I want nobody but you.

I'm busy,

Tired,

Occupied,

And I lack time.

But I still must find time to express how i feel about You.

Each time I see you I get a rush of emotions.

Usually good.

This morning was an exception, really.

And if the whole world stopped caring about my love,

It wouldn't matter,

Unless you did too.

If you did,

I WOULD DIE.

And I really, really don't want anyone but you.

I love you.

Looking, but only into your eyes.

When I lie there, with your hand around my waist, my body,

I feel heaven.

Sort of, anyway.

Because nothing beats looking into your beautiful, brown eyes.

Your closeness,

I can feel your heat, your heart.

And I love you.

People say so much simply because they can't have what we do.
I adore you, your lips, your smile, your laugh.
Your happiness is mine,
Simply because I love you so much, just your face lights up my life.

Thank you for loving me like you do,
Thank you for the things that you do,
Thank you for making me smile, doing anything I ask you to,

Thank you for being YOU.

What do you do?

You would never let yourself fall in love with your BEST friend's beau. Maybe not even an ex-best friend's guy. But what happens if she's JUST a friend? You know she's smitten. So are you, kind of. And he's obviously not into her. You, instead.
What do you do?

You're already planned a wedding after 8 years of dating. And then you fall in love with the best man, your man's closest buddy who has been away for a few years. He's told you if you were single, he'd do you, but he was drunk when he said you were so beautiful.
What do you do?

You're in love with someone who really likes someone else already. He wants you to help him chase her.
What do you do?

Your parents find you a guy to marry. You think he's pretty sweet, cute, even. And he's nuts about you! But he's just not the one who makes your heart jump...
What do you do?

You have a steady boyfriend. You somehow meet another bastard of a jerk, but you realise you have very strong feelings for him.
What do you do?

Your best friend just went through a break-up, and and is thoroughly dependent on you to give her support. You find yourself falling for her after a couple of months.
What do you do?

Your boyfriend and yourself have decided to break up, mutually. The feelings are still there but you know it won't work. Two months later, you find out your closest college mate is sleeping with your ex.
What do you do?

He makes you smile, laugh, daydream..
He's your brother.
What do you do?

You dump the guy because he's plain annoying, and there are just no more feelings. He cuts his wrist and ends up in hospital.
What do you do?



The best thing to do, perhaps the only thing, is to do NOTHING.
Things will find their ways,
If they need to be done.

Don't let your HEART rule anything.
When your heart wins, the battle is lost.

Sweets, icing, darling.

My mum celebrated her birthday last week,

and i made these, for her mini Sunday School party thingamajig!

Some are kind of messy, but Gwen loved them, and so did I, decorating them as well as munching on them..

YAY for CUPCAKES!


Michelle, Shaz, sorry there weren't any left to bring to college..
Thanks Michelle for the piping thing!
And Kenny, I know you seen these. Hang in there!
Carolyn honey thanks for taking the pictures!

But I'm proud of myself la. :D