I like things how they are, were, no changes please.

I don't like how the past few days have whizzed by. No, not one bit.. Christmas ended just as I felt it there, and the New Year's came by me unprepared. I'm actually afraid of this year leaping into existence so suddenly. Like a foreboding, Ms. C would say, and this very instant I am actually scared.

Feels like life will end as suddenly as the year began.

Or maybe it's just today. Things have been happening very awkwardly for me. Last night I got yelled at for texting and missing a signboard leading to a restaurant, even though i felt it was not my fault at all. That shook me up and put me on my toes. This morning Her Royal Highness did not make it for mass (and without any notice) and put me on even tighter strings. Rushing here and there, and my knees were literally weak singing with no background music. Then when i got home.. more yelling. No investigation as to who took the missing set of keys, everyone got a shelling anyway. Exams begin this Friday. Yes, my RM 200 per paper fricking exams are bloody starting. And i'm not ready one bit.

And right now, I can't sleep, I can't stay awake, I feel like i'm falling.

I've got this odd feeling You don't feel the same about me anymore. Is it paranoia? A week ago I was sure you'd love me forever, even if we moved on. And now, I catch you looking away, I see you stare at someone else. Is this what I imagine? What I want? No. I need you. I want you to hold me and tell me I'm the only one you want. It's not too much to ask..

Is this your way of telling Amelia that she cannot control everything, Lord? Then help her learn before she breaks down. She's scared. She's fucking scared. (Writing this, my pulse is way faster than usual. I'm not lying.)

I think I need Fedac. Valium?